Someone just sent me an altered picture of Michael Jackson as Saddam Hussein which proves that you can't make up for a paucity of ideas with fancy software.  It may be time to classify Photoshop as munitions.

First, Bill Bennett turns out to have a gambling addiction.  Then Rush Limbaugh has a drug habit.  Now it turns out that Strom Thurmond had an affair with a black woman.  It's like all of my role models have been sullied.  At least there's still Joey Buttafuoco.

According to the National Center for Policy Analysis and the Wall Street Journal, the current flu vaccine shortage was caused in large part by Hillary Clinton.  Her "Vaccines for Children" program passed in 1993 set up a system that forced vaccine makers to sell one third of their supply to the government at half price.  Remember when I said that price controls always lead to shortages?  Well, here's yet another example.  As a result of this stupid law, vaccine makers have been getting out of the business rather than be forced to operate at a loss.  Thirty years ago there were 25 vaccine producers and today there are only five.  Only two of those produce flu vaccine.

Now, I know from my email that there are a lot of Socialists out there, not to mention Hillary lovers.  Listen up, you jackasses.  Children are dying.  Do you get that?  People are waiting for hours in long lines like peasants in the USSR.  And you morons want her to be president?  The woman isn't qualified to pick lettuce.

So South Dakota Representative William Janklow was found guilty of manslaughter.  Here's a guy with a long history of disregard for the law - including a reported TWELVE speeding tickets and EIGHT accidents in the last ten years.  So when his reckless driving ends up killing an innocent person, he did what any upstanding citizen would do.  He made up a lame excuse:  I'm diabetic and I forgot to eat.  Shut up.  I hope he gets the maximum sentence.

Remember Janklow the next time some idiot politician starts lecturing you about "taking responsibility."

It's obvious from my mail that many people out there don't understand what Socialism is.  Simply put, Socialism can be defined as the abrogation of individual rights in favor of the so-called "good of society."  Socialism comes from both the right and the left. Some quick examples from the right might be the war on drugs and the opposition to gay marriage and from the left, the assault on gun rights and support for affirmative action schemes.

In all cases, the justification for denying your rights is that what you are doing is "bad for society."  Drugs are bad for society, gay marriage is bad for society, guns are bad for society, fast food is bad for society, SUVs are bad for society, television is bad for society, private doctors are bad for society, fat people are bad for society...  Where does it stop?  At the death camps, that's where.  Think I'm crazy?  My guess is that you think Hitler was a ruthless, murdering tyrant.  But he thought he was doing what was best for German society!  In his mind, Jews were disrupting the social fabric so the government was justified in exterminating them.

Look, when you protect the rights of the individual, you have protected everyone.  Under Socialism, no one is protected.  Anyone may be singled out and punished.  And when you create a police state for persecuting those with whom you disagree, you are building an amoral power structure.  The police state has no ideology.  They don't care if those in power are on the right or the left - THEY JUST FOLLOW ORDERS.  

One more problem with Socialism is who gets to decide what's good or bad for society?  Here's a hint: it won't be you.  Ultimately, we must only allow the government to have authority over objective crimes - those involving force, fraud or coercion against an innocent person.  To let any government decide what's good or bad for us is to relinquish our individualism and eventually our lives.

Get this:  Orrin Hatch and Barney Frank are proposing we change the Constitution to remove the restriction on allowing foreign-born people to become president.  Frank said, "I think it’s a mistake to have that in the Constitution.  It’s reflective of a double standard that somehow immigrants aren’t fully equal with people born here.”  

Allow me to voice my opposition in two words: ADOLPH HITLER.  Remember him?  Dictator of Germany - born in Austria.  Is there something about 10 million people being murdered that makes you want to try it here?  Look, we've had this talk before.  The nimrods we currently have in office are all mentally and intellectually inferior to the framers of the Constitution.

Here are a couple (of many) quotes I found made by Rush Limbaugh on his radio show:

"I'm appalled at people who simply want to look at all this abhorrent behavior and say people are going to do drugs anyway let's legalize it. It's a dumb idea. It's a rotten idea and those who are for it are purely 100 percent selfish."
-- Dec 9, 1993

"There's nothing good about drug use. We know it. It destroys individuals. It destroys families. Drug use destroys societies. Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.

"What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use. Too many whites are getting away with drug sales. Too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too."
-- Oct. 5, 1995

At this point, allow me to tell you that I've never used an illegal drug in my life.  That doesn't make me superior, it just tells you where I'm coming from.  My position is based on the principle that people should be left alone to do as they please as long as they aren't harming anyone else (even if they're doing something harmful to themselves).  And even though Rush is guilty of the most blatant hypocrisy, I'm not going to tell you that he should be sent to prison.  On the contrary, he now has a chance to turn himself around, abandon this immoral position he has taken and use his golden microphone to promote liberty.  First, he must repudiate the evil and unconstitutional war on drugs.  Second, he must leave the Republican party and join the Libertarians.  Finally, he must write on the board 100 times, "I was a wrong-headed, pompous hypocrite and I'm sorry."

Of course, if he fails to follow these steps then we should take his advice and send him up the river.

Contrary to popular belief, there is only one "unintended consequence" in law and politics and Gray Davis just found out what it is.  As Harry Browne has pointed out, the only reason people believe that laws have unintended consequences is because they are unaware of what the true intentions really are.  It doesn't matter if we're talking about Social Security or school lunches. The true intent of most every law is to expand the power and control of the government.  The more of your money that politicians can steal is more money they can throw around to make themselves more important.

So the only unintended consequence is when they do something so egregiously stupid that it gets them voted out of office.  

1 down - 50,000 to go.

I was just watching the California gubernatorial debate.  Arianna Huffington, a confused mess of a pandering twit, referred to the Reason Foundation as a "suspect think tank."  Arianna, I've supported the Reason Foundation over the years and have had the pleasure of meeting several of their contributors.  Trust me, they have toenails smarter than you.

Remember those happy cows I was telling you about here in California?  Why can't we get one of THEM to run for governor?  Front-runner Cruz Bustamante today said that he wants to impose price controls on gasoline.  What an idiot.  Rule #1 of economics is that there is no such thing as a free lunch.  Rule #2 is that price controls ALWAYS cause shortages.  Remember when the state forced PG&E to buy power on the open market but controlled the prices they could charge consumers?  The result was SHORTAGES.  Oh yeah, and bankruptcy for PG&E.  So Bustamante will end up doing for gasoline what Davis did for electricity.

Say it with me: Price controls always lead to shortages.  And one more thing - Bustamante claims that the oil companies are "gouging." consumers.  Government collects more in taxes on a gallon of gas than oil companies take in profits so who is doing the gouging?  Please.

I was just watching an American Indian defending Indian casinos by claiming that the tribes are "sovereign nations."  And to drive home the point, he said it about four or five times.  Now, I don't doubt their sovereignty under U.S. law - I just want to know why we allow these "sovereign nations" to pump massive campaign funds to our politicians.  Does this not amount to foreign influence in our political system?

So let's talk about the Brits.  Outside of that little nastiness where we kicked their pasty white asses back to the curb, these are pretty good people and we can't thank them enough for the Beatles.  So what's my gripe?  Is it their long infatuation with socialism?  Or maybe that brilliant Chunnel that linked them up with the loser frogs at a cost of 15 billion dollars?  Or how about their gun confiscation program that brought about such a huge crime wave that their murder rate is now worse than ours?

No, that's isn't what's bugging me, Bunko.  It's that prissy announcer in the car commercial who insists on saying Jag-U-Ar.  Look, that stuffy, upper-class crap doesn't fly here in the colonies.  We're Americans and we say Jag-Whar.  Do you also say Gyu-Aranteed?  Or Life-Gyu-Ard?  Sheesh.

Some genius researchers from UC Berkeley have been studying the psychological patterns common to the minds of right-wingers.  The "predictors of conservatism" include fear, aggression, dogmatism, authoritarianism, intolerance of ambiguity, resistance to change and lack of "integrative complexity."  They went on to note some of the similarities between Hitler, Mussolini, Ronald Reagan and Rush Limbaugh.

This is research?  How do you think these ideologues managed to forget about their playful friends on the left like Joseph Stalin, Mao, Fidel Castro, Ted Kaczynski and Hillary Clinton?  

Oh yeah, the lead author of this "study," John Jost says he now regrets linking Hitler and Reagan in the same sentence because of the possibility of misinterpretation.  Think I regret linking the names Stalin and Hillary?

When will you Earthlings learn?  The city of New York won't let YOU carry a gun but the bureaucrats can.  YOU have to walk through the metal detectors at City Hall but the bureaucrats don't.  They are better than you - until today.  Now the mayor says everyone has to go through the metal detectors.  But will that keep guns out?  Are you stupid?  They can't even keep drugs out of prisons.  What makes you think they can keep you safe?

The banner headline in my paper today says:

         Scott Wants Closed Hearing - Peterson's defense team thinks publicity could harm case.

Yeah, we wouldn't want Scott doing anything to harm his case.

I've got to hand it to Jerry Springer.  To help fill the void left by Martha Stewart, it appears that Jerry's expanded the scope of his show by adding a gardening segment.  As I scanned past the show today, I heard a guy tell a woman, "Use a hoe."    

Listen to what that dogwasher Dick Gephardt said:  "When I'm president, we'll do executive orders to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme Court does tomorrow or any other day."  How did this retarded simian graduate from high school, much less get elected to Congress?  Why not write an executive order making you the bestest king in all of Americaland?  I have every bit as much contempt for this asswipe as he has for the Constitution.  The man is a pig.

According to TV Guide there's an upcoming special called An American Celebration at Ford's Theatre.  And get this: it's a tribute to Abraham Lincoln.  Maybe next November these geniuses will put on a tribute to JFK at the Texas School Book Depository.  I'll be there - look for me on the grassy knoll.

TLC has been running a great show called Robosapiens.  It's about the state of the art in robotics and it's very cool.  At first blush, it may appear that the Japanese are way ahead of us but that's because TLC only looked at our private corporate research.  Obviously they were unaware of our government's secret foray into advanced robotics: The HRC4P2008 SLRU (StepFirst Lady Robotic Unit).  You may have seen it recently on TV.

This almost lifelike automaton has hundreds of pre-programmed responses - some of which appear to be spontaneous and, at times, give the illusion of actual emotion.  The downside of the unit is the huge amount of power it requires.  To accommodate its almost voracious appetite for power, the robot's posterior area has been greatly enlarged.  In the left butt cheek is an array of 48 12-volt lead/acid batteries and in the right butt cheek is a 300hp Cummins diesel generator.

There's a columnist for the Washington Post by the name of Marc Fisher who is bemoaning the fact that radio broadcasts in this country are mostly controlled by conglomerates.  The obvious response is that if you don't like syndicated radio, don't listen.  Of course, what Mr. Fisher is really upset about is that the majority of syndicated radio is either conservative or libertarian in nature.  But he goes on, "Chain ownership has diminished both the diversity and vibrancy of discussion and debate - and that is what the FCC is charged to protect on the public's airwaves."

Where did he come up with that nonsense about the FCC?  When the FCC was created, it's role was spectrum allocation and that's all.  Like all bureaucracies, it has slowly increased its own power and influence to the point that social reformers now want it to quiet opposing views.  Be careful Mr. Fisher - pretty soon the FCC may increase its authority to include loud-mouthed columnists.

So it's time to visit the Hypocrite's Corner.  First, we have Wilfred Brimley.  A few years back, he was a spokesman for Quaker Oats, telling us what we should eat for our health.  Now he's pushing Liberty Medical because that's where he gets his diabetic supplies.

Next, we have Senator Robert Byrd.  He accused Bush of grandstanding by landing on the aircraft carrier.  This from a guy who has his name on over twenty public works projects in West Virginia.  Not to mention his own taxpayer-financed STATUE in the West Virginia capitol rotunda.

Third, there's former Drug Czar Bill Bennett.  He's been preaching to us for years about how good it is to be virtuous. But now it turns out that he's a big-time gambler (not to mention a glutton and a smoker).  He's quoted in the Washington Monthly as saying: "I've gambled all my life and it's never been a moral issue with me ...I view it as drinking - if you can't handle it, don't do it."   Replace "gambled" with "smoked pot" or "engaged in sodomy" - will the same standard apply, Mr. Bennett?  I didn't think so.

Finally, there are all the right-wing writers who are defending Bill Bennett.  Would they have cut Bill Clinton the same slack?

Can you imagine Bill Clinton doing a cable-arrest landing on an aircraft carrier?  Yeah, me neither.

So Senator Rick Santorum caused an uproar for the following quote:  "If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything."

And??  Look, what business is it of the government if you want to marry two other people?  Or twelve?  Or if you want to have sex with a brother or sister or someone outside of marriage?  As long as all parties are willing and past the age of consent what business is it of anyone else?  I'm not telling you that any of these things are even close to a good idea - just that, in the absence of force, fraud, coercion or possibly public health, the government has no authority over any citizen.  Period.  

For the zillionth time, I just saw a news commentator refer to a U.S. Senator as "Congressman" leading the Senator to huffily correct said commentator by saying, "I'm a Senator - not a Congressman."  Here's my idea:  Any U.S. Senator who is unaware that the Senate is part of Congress should be removed from office and forced to spend the rest of his or her life picking up litter on the side of the highway.

New York Times - An urban mystery was solved last week when Vincent "The Chin" Gigante, the Mafia leader who spent decades slobbering, muttering and wandering Manhattan in his bedclothes, admitted that he had deceived the teams of psychiatrists who had evaluated his mental competency for seven years.  Another mystery remains:  How did some of the most respected minds in forensic psychiatry and neuropsychology- including a prominent Harvard psychiatrist and five past presidents of the American Academy of Psychiatry and Law, get it wrong?

I'll tell you how.  They're a bunch of pompous, voodoo-practicing, chowderheads who believe they cured themselves of their own delusions and bed-wetting and now think they're experts.  I say we get these dickweeds out of the courtroom and replace them all with Phrenologists.  Or Homeopaths.  Or monkeys with prescription pads.

Says here that Congress is looking at a bill to "allow" employers to offer paid time off instead of overtime.  This is a good time to remind people that a few years back, Ron Paul wrote a bill to simply require Congress to state the Constitutional justification for any law they passed.  It was killed in committee by that hero-turned-traitor John Glenn who explained that if Congress had to follow the Constitution they wouldn't have passed any laws in the past twenty years.  Shoot him back into space and this time, leave him there.

So I've been getting a bunch of unsolicited faxes from unethical marketers and in order for me to put an end to their stealing my paper and toner, they want ME to call THEM to have my number removed from their database.  I'd love to.  Anybody out there have a marketing database of fax numbers?  Let's program an auto-dialer to hit their systems and mark every number they have as DO NOT CALL.

 It's been said that when a small man casts a big shadow it means the sun is about to set on him.  With that in mind, it's time to say goodbye to Saddam and his five sons:  Uday, Qusay, Omay, Arrylay and Curly-Q.  

We're all happy that Elizabeth Smart has been recovered alive and well.  But that arrogant wheeze Bill O'Reilly was just talking to a member of the Smart family and credited the "power of prayer" for bringing back Elizabeth.  So what about all the other children who were kidnapped but later found murdered?  Did their families just not pray hard enough?  What a cruel, insensitive, stupid thing for O'Reilly to say.

So what is the plural of "Kleenex"?  Kleenices?

Saddam Hussein called George Bush a dictator.  You'll know when Bush has become a dictator when there's thirty-foot paintings of him all over town and every dictionary you pick up contains the word "subliminable."

Have you been listening to the Democrats whining about Bush's budget?  They say we can't afford a tax cut.  They say we can't afford a war.  But they managed to sneak in a whole bunch of pork last week   Here's my favorite: $1 million for the Leo T. McCarthy Center for Public Service and the Common Good.  Translation: a program for inculcating people with left-wing propaganda.  It says here that it has the goal of "encouraging young people to pursue careers in government."  Do we have a shortage of people in government?

Of course, with such a nice name, who could dare vote against it?  I may start the Center for Warm, Cuddly Puppies and Good Intentions.

Socialists have only one driving force: Envy.  They envy capitalists and want to enslave them or destroy them.  Ask a socialist what he or she thinks the government should do and listen how many times they talk about stealing people's money and property or how they want to enslave others.  As an example, think of the Clinton's wanting to take over the health care industry.  So it was no surprise to me that Osama bin Laden called on his terrorist friends to align themselves with the socialists.  Their motivation and objectives are virtually identical.

Just say no to the socialists or else you are supporting terrorism.

So the paper is reporting that "Comedian Robert Klein is 61."  Comedian?  Has he ever said anything remotely funny?  Wait, there was that do-wop routine back in the 70's...No, come to think of it, that wasn't funny either.

Have you heard about the jurors who are whining that the judge withheld evidence in a drug trial and the result was the jury convicted an innocent man?  Gee, a socialist judge who lies to protect his own agenda - what are the odds?  To all jurors:  It is your right and duty to ignore the judge's instructions and overturn ANY law you deem to be unconstitutional.  

Why do people want to end the space program every time there's an accident?  Why don't they call for an end to airline travel whenever there's a plane crash?  After all, national defense is probably a lot more important than your trip to Cancun.

Some guy from the SPCA says that when you're walking your dog, you shouldn't pull it away from something it's smelling.  He asks, "How would you like it if you were reading a book and someone snatched it from your hands?"  So, if I understand this, I'm reading The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind and somehow that's the same as my dog smelling a pile of fresh, steaming poop.  Sniff, sniff.  Mmmm.  Slightly truculent with just a hint of nutmeg.

There's a congressman from North Dakota who wants to throw all smokers in jail for 30 days if they're caught smoking.  Not just in public - if they're caught smoking ANYWHERE.  We'll forget for now that this guy looks like a fat tub of protoplasm (but I should tell you that I never take life advice from anyone whose ass is larger than my own).  The question is, why are there so many unhappy, self-loathing jerks in government who get their jollies by ordering other people around?  Is there something particularly attractive about the Joseph Stalin model?

So I've been watching these anti-smoking commercials that tell us 53,000 people die of second-hand smoke every year.  Think there are any death certificates that say "Cause of Death: Secondhand smoke"?  Me neither.  Here's how their propaganda works:  Some "researcher" figures that living with secondhand smoke for X years will shorten your life for Y weeks.  So let's say the average person lives 70 years - that's 25,550 days.  Now if secondhand smoke reduces your life expectancy by an average of ten days (I'm just making this up but then, so are they) then for every 2,555 people living with second hand smoke we magically create a "dead" person.  The good news is that they aren't spending money they stole from the taxpayers to air this nonsense - they're spending the money they stole from the tobacco companies.